Buttocks Anyone?

Isn't this just lovely? The red bar is courtesy of TMZ. They were kind enough to cover up any dingleberries.

WTH is that guy doing? Hugh Grant isn't even facing him!

DVD Review: Smokin' Aces = Smokin' Turd

This movie sucked! Whatever you do, no matter how bored you are, do NOT watch this piece of shix so-called movie. Everyone who knows me knows I quite enjoy violence in films. Some of my favorite movies of all time include The Godfather, Heat, Collateral - all movies with plenty of shooting and killing etc. However, I do not enjoy gratuitous violence or violence just for violence's sake. I enjoy it when someone gets shot in the head as a part of the plot. Smokin' Aces altered its plot to accommodate the violence.

The premise of the movie is that a mob boss wants a guy named Aces killed and a bunch of different assassins are trying to kill him to collect reward money. They supposedly all get to where Aces is located around the same time, but obviously there has to be some sort of chronological order - one killer gets there sooner and is followed by other assassins. Hello...since when do professional assassins move at snail speed?

The director obviously did not stay true to how real assassins would act (quick and efficient is my guess) just so he could add gore and bloodshed to his already crappy film. The three guys above, who must've been the world's most mentally impaired professional hit men, actually brought a chainsaw to kill this guy. Does that seem probable to you? It almost seemed like everyone in the film knew it was a piece of shix so they just acted over-the-top and ridiculous in an effort to have some fun, but no one clued in the director. Unfortunately, he was serious about this dumb film.

Idol Gives Back

As many of you know, I'm not the biggest fan of American Idol, but I'll watch it if I haven't got anything else going on. Since I am a big fan of the ONE Campaign, I wanted to tune in this week for "Idol Gives Back." I must say, I teared up a bit (as I often do) when they started showing clips of those poor African women and children dying/affected by HIV/AIDS and poverty in general. Then I really started tearing up when Josh Groban sang. Ridiculous right? I know. But I just love Josh Groban and I'm a sucker for inspirational songs.

However, when Celine Dion came out to sing "with" Elvis Presley...it kind of creeped me out. Allen found it extremely disturbing, and while I wasn't as affected by it as he was, I agree that it wasn't necessarily the best idea. Everyone knows he's dead - why was Celine pretending to look at him and sing with him as if he were really there? Anyway, I'm sure many of you really enjoyed the special effects duet and I can certainly understand that as well, but personally, I'd rather they just leave the dead alone.

Pussycat Dolls Presents: Search For The Next Doll

**SPOILER ALERT**

Can I just tell you how much I love this ridiculous show? I'm sad that it's over already. Yesterday's season finale was awesome. There was a serious cat fight, where the two of the girls were literally screaming at each other, "Shut the f*** up! You're a bitch!"

So...Asia was chosen as the next doll. I really wanted Melissa R. to win, but maybe it's better in the long run for her. She could totally have a solo career or start her own girl group (with Chelsea?). I'd probably rather do that than be stuck as a minion in the PCD. When Asia performed with the PCD after she won, she was pushed to the side, you couldn't hear her sing (that's a good thing) and you could barely see her. Obviously all of the attention is focused on lead singer Nicole.

Are We Alone?

European astronomers have found the most Earth-like planet outside our solar system, and here's what it might be like to live there:

The "sun" wouldn't burn brightly. It would hang close, large and red in the sky, glowing faintly like a charcoal ember. And it probably would never set if you lived on the sunny side of the planet.

You could have a birthday party every 13 days because that's how fast this new planet circles its sun-like star. But watch the cake -- you'd weigh a whole lot more than you do on Earth.

You might be able to keep your current wardrobe. The temperature in this alien setting will likely be a lot like Earth's -- not too hot, not too cold.

Yikes! This is kind of scary. I hate it when sci-fi movie plots start to come true - things like improvements in AI (Artificial Intelligence) and finding habitable planets. I doubt anything significant will happen in our lifetime, but how strange would it be to hear someone say, "Yeah. I'm moving to Planet 581 next month. You're invited to the housewarming party." The planet is only 20.5 light years away, but scientists say there's no existing way for us to travel there in a human lifetime.

What do you peeps think about this new potentially-habitable planet?

Nicole Richie Finally Eating?

I gotta say, Nicole Richie looks pretty hot in this pic. She's still very thin, but at least she doesn't look skeletal anymore. You can't really see her face behind those giant bug sunglasses, but it seems like the long blonde hair might suit her. Glad she's eating again.

I'm Thinking About Dancing

If dancing can help semi-trainwreck (I'm feeling nice today) Britney Spears shape up, it's definitely something I should consider. Supposedly, pre-rehab, Britney, who is around 5'4", was a size eight. Look at her now - only a few weeks after breaking down!

Of course, there are all those rumors that she opted for some special, non/less invasive form of liposuction to help fast-track her improved body, but still. Too bad her outfit is atrocious.

DVD Review: Curse Of The Golden Flower

Curse of the Golden Flower is a beautiful to look at - the sets and costumes are amazing - but the film falls flat in terms of plot.

It's a weak Shakespearean type tragedy with the addition of Hong Kong style martial arts. There are plenty of secrets and betrayals to lure your interest, but overall it's disappointing and somewhat confusing. At the end, I just thought, "What the heck was the point of that??"

Lots of cleavage though if you're into that kind of thing.

DVD Review: Bobby

I was so looking forward to this movie. Based on the trailers it looked so promising. A bunch of intersecting lives brought together at the Ambassador Hotel the night Bobby Kennedy is assassinated - really interesting right? I'm sorry to say, but this movie was the biggest letdown EVER.

When a movie like Catwoman comes out, everyone pretty much assumes it's going to be a piece of shix so when you see it and it sucks, you're not all that surprised. When a movie about a legendary politician, a member of America's royal family, is released, you expect greatness - or at least goodness. Bobby was terrible. There were too many plot lines to follow and the ones that were least interesting are the ones director Emilio Estevez spent the most time on and vice versa. Supposedly, Estevez worked for six years on this film. Someone please tell him not to bother in the future if this is any indication of what his hard work results in.

As a side note, Lindsey Lohan was also in this film and her performance was mediocre. She's definitely not laughable like, say, Mariah Carey, but she's not an Oscar winner yet either.

Happy Birthday To Me!

My birthday passed a few weeks ago, but I just celebrated it this past Friday. I must say, it's the most fun I've had in a long time. That being said, it was also the sickest I've ever been and resulted in the one and only hangover of my entire life.

I really have the bestest friends a girl could ask for. Miss VJJ baked an awesomely cute piggy cake for me and B.Diddy created keepsake bookmarks featuring all my favorite things (with the exception of the loathed green pepper). Almost everyone gave me a piggy related birthday gift - and I love them all!

Dentist/Facialist?

I had to go to the dentist today to get a filling replaced. Sometime in the past six months my teeth-grinding caused one of my fillings to crack and deepen the cavity. I'm not one who's squeemish about dentists or getting shots and that kind of stuff so I wasn't really worried about the drilling and all that. After giving me the novacaine shot, my dentist says he's going to use this nifty new tool to "blast" out the cavity, instead of drilling it away. I guess it allows him to clean out the cavity without removing any healthy structure. The tool basically combines pressurized air with SAND that blasts the cavity away.

I actually think the drill is more pleasant than the new gizmo - at least it doesn't fill your mouth with sand/dust. After everything was all done, I touched my face and there was a dusty film all over it. It felt like I had just gotten microdermabrasion or something!

Now I'm all numb and can't eat because I've already bitten my cheek so hard that it was bleeding.

Advantage Rent-A-Car Sucks Donkey Nuts

Allen and I are in San Francisco now, celebrating my birthday. We had planned on renting a car and driving up, but when we arrived at the Advantage Rent-A-Car agency near LAX, the jackass working the counter informed us that Allen needed proof of insurance and a UTILITY BILL. Now, who the hell carries a utility bill around?! We had made a reservation through Orbitz and there was no note that these items needed to be shown. They were going to charge an additional $35 per day w/o the proof - the car rental itself was only $16/day!! UGH. I was so infuriated I told the guy to go eff his mother and we'd be taking our business elsewhere. Okay, just kidding. I was actually in the car and didn't even talk to the guy at the counter. But I was furious and did insist that we don't patronize their business. I plan on writing to the corporate headquarters upon my return AND filing a complaint with the BBB. Assholes.

The drive up (in my car) was decent. We got lucky and there was no traffic so we arrived in SF around 4.30pm. Unfortunately, the hotel we're staying at doesn't have a parking garage and while I was expecting expensive parking rates in the city, I didn't realize it would cost us nearly $30/day! NUTS! Why would anyone have a car in this city if it costs that much to park it. All the street parking is metered at an astounding rate of $1 for 20 minutes.

The hotel we're staying at is very interesting. All of the rooms, hallways and lobby are painted/decorated by local artists. Our room is okay looking, with some weird jungle bat/monkey things on the wall. I'll try to post pictures later. There's no bathroom in our room, only a sink, and no air conditioning, which is the really sucky part. We have to keep the windows open otherwise the room is stuffy and smells like paint fumes (the rooms are re-painted every three months). Unfortunately, it's VERY LOUD outside our room. First, there's some sort of generator thing below our room, on the roof of an adjacent building. It whirls and hums all day and most of the night. Then there's trash pickup periodically in the alley's surrounding the hotel up until midnight. This morning, there was also some strange noise - it sounded like someone hung a giant wind chime made out of empty soda cans right outside our windows.

However, for $50 a night and free breakfast and wi-fi, we really can't complain.

The Weekend Update

Friday
This weekend I seemed to be even clumsier than usual. First I bit my lip at lunch so it was all puffy then I burned the same spot eating hot noodles for dinner. Unfortunately, that resulted in a gross blister thing and I looked diseased for most of the weekend.

Saturday
Don't you just love those weekends where you have nothing to do? I visited my sister and the kids during the afternoon. My niece is just too adorable. Allen stayed home to draft players for his fantasy baseball team and my niece asked me why I didn't bring my friend Allen with me. How cute is that?! My nephew is just starting to try to talk and he's really only capable of making these strange guttural noises so far, but he'll get there.

Sunday
We went to the promenade because I had to exchange something and I did a little shopping. I got two new products at Sephora.

Benefit Benetint Pocket Pal
This glossy color wand is your best beauty pal. A mini Benetint - the original and still the best rosy lip and cheek stain is paired with a shiny clear gloss on the other end. Carry it in the handy pocket protector and you'll have kiss-proof, smudge-proof color with you wherever you go.

It really does smell like roses. So far, I like the product, but it seems a bit pricey ($18) for such a small quantity. I mean, half of the product is just a clear gloss that I could get at the drugstore. If I really like the Benetint, I'll just go buy the full sized product ($28).


Benefit Babe Cakes
Classic cake eyeliners that transform your eyes from beautiful to gorgeous in seconds.

I only played around with the product a little bit before I took my shower (silly, I know) so I'm not sure how it holds up during a long night on the town, or all day at the office. I'll let you know if I keep it.

That's all folks!