Marie Antoinette

Just got back from a press screening of Sofia Coppola's Marie Antoinette starring Kirstin Dunst. It has a slow pace, as do all of Coppola's films, but it's not so slow that you're bored. I loved the costume and make-up:

After reading up on the history of Marie Antoinette on Wikipedia, I realize that there may be a lot of her history that is missing from the film - but that is to be expected. The portions that are included in the movie seem to be accurate, with the execption of one serious situation. The film's purpose isn't to share every detail of Marie Antoinette's life and death, but, in my opinion, to show how much responsibility is placed in the hands of teenagers.

All in all, I liked the film (and I'm not even a fan of Dunst). It's interesting, somehow modern and antiquated at the same time. If you're not a fan of Lost In Translation or The Virgin Suicides, I'd skip it or wait for DVD.

Aww...

Sorry, people...we've missed our chance to meet Mischa Barton at the Westwood DSW location. Look at what we could have witnessed first-hand:

I bet she really misses the O.C. now. Sucka!

Wittle Wittle Tommy

Okay, this is too funny not to post. The Daily Mail published this photo of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes out and about. Some think the photo is doctored b/c Katie's torso looks like it's been elongated and I can see why they're saying that, but it's still really funny how tiny Tom looks next to her at this angle.

Note: You can click to enlarge the picture.

Spoiler Alert: Grey's Anatomy

Grey's Anatomy - Episode 2
AHH!! My jaw dropped and I literally growled at Addison Shepherd, "You WHORE!" when McSteamy came out of that bathroom! (I know, a tad bit of a double-standard, but it's fictional so I can be non-feminist or whatever). And there I was, sitting there on my couch, feeling a tiny bit of sympathy as McDreamy apologizes and all seems right and you just feel a little sorry for her. Gone is any sympathy I might have conjured up for McSatan. I love this show.


Izzie and all her muffins reminded me of VaJayJay a little. I don't know what I would do if I were in a situation like Izzie's. Probably stay on the bathroom floor until I rotted away. Or pretend it never happened and then, boom!, ten years later I have a nervous breakdown. But I can picture VJJ baking up a storm of treats for comfort and control.

And finally, I must say something about the tree-boy. I mean, of course the writers make it so that he survives, but the funny, rude guy from Queer As Folk dies while having routine brain surgery. That tree was gnarly. Does shix like that really happen? I didn't really get exactly what type of activity the boy was participating in that caused such an accident - anyone know? I remember something about a driveway, a car and a pile of tree trimmings. Obviously they must've been some major tree trimings.

Okay, that's all. Oh wait! I didn't have time to post an update on some gossip - Kate Bosworth finally admits she has a problem with her weight and is seeking treatment.

America's Next Top Model - Episode 3

The twins are growing on me, especially Michelle:

As you can see, the "theme" of the photo shoot yesterday was crazy ass hats/hair. My semi-favorite so far, AJ, didn't do as well as I hoped yesterday. The judges liked her photo enough, but she's kind of got a weird attitude thing going on.

Lastly, I hate Monique more than ever. Ugh. She is an uber bizzle.

WTF Is Wrong With Some People?

I'm thoroughly saddened and disgusted by recent events at Platt Canyon High School in Bailey, CO. Duane R. Morrison, a perverted 53 year old man, took six female students hostage, sexually assaulted at least a few of them and killed one before killing himself. The victim was only 16 years old.

Authorities said Morrison had let four of the hostages go before a SWAT team stormed the Platte Canyon High School classroom where he had been cornered Wednesday.

The gunman fatally wounded one of the girls and killed himself as the deputies charged in. The other girl escaped.

The victim was identified by acquaintances and a co-worker as 16-year-old Emily Keyes, shown in a yearbook photo as a smiling blonde who played volleyball and was on the high school debate team.

She was pronounced dead at a Denver hospital after Wednesday's standoff, which reminded many people of the 1999 massacre at Columbine High, less than an hour's drive away.

This kind of shix shouldn't happen.

I'm back!

I have been so busy at work (doing someone else's work no less) that I didn't even blog yesterday! I was supposed to do the Sunday TV round-up but now I've practically forgotten what happened on those shows. Instead, let's start off by sending good thoughts B-Diddy's way. We love you B!

So did everyone hear that Howard K. Stern is the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby girl? Acoording to Stern, they have been in a relationship for a long time and love each other very much. They're naming the baby Dannie Lynn Hope in honor of her late son, Daniel. I can't say that I'm surprised by the news that Stern is the father of the baby. I mean, why else would he hang around her for all these years? I am a firm believer that members of the opposite sex do not start out as "just friends" - at least one of them has stronger feelings. I think once that situation is resolved (one of them is clear that it's a friends-only deal) then maybe they can just be friends. I still think that even then one of them harbors lovey-dovey feelings and is just waiting for the other person to come around. And I think that's exactly what happened with Stern. He hung around long enough.

Either way, I hope they're happy and that they can get through the loss of her son.

Weekend Update

Friday
Our Friday evening plans were slightly altered when we got to our destination and found the restaurant closed - no sign or explanation, just a dark room holding our sangria hostage. We decided to go somewhere else for tapas and sangria and it was still fun. Afterward, we met RJ at Barney's Beanery - yuk. Yet another sign that I am an old fart. The place was filled with the way-too-old-to-be-there crowd and the gross "how YOU doin'" type of guys. We left pretty quickly and headed to Famima!! for some convenient dessert.

Saturday
Got up early to hit up the Billion Dollar Babe sale with my sister. It was much smaller than past events and the selection was disappointing. Everything was still really pricey so I only picked up one thing, and I probably shouldn't have bought even that.

Afterwards, Allen and I caught an early-afternoon showing of Jackass: Number Two. The movie was awesome. It is definitely not for the squeamish. The stunts were hilarious and the, uh, other things were completely disgusting. Lots of poop and barf.

Later, we met up with the fabulous S-Class, who was kind enough to share her Dodger tickets with us. It was a pretty terrible game, (Dodgers lost 9-3) but it was still fun. It was free-calendar day at the stadium so throughout the entire game people were throwing paper airplanes. It became ridiculous how many airplanes were being flown and when one finally made it onto the field everyone cheered.
Note: The Dodgers won Sunday's game with a walk-off grand slam by Nomar Garciaparra. Hmph.

Sunday
Typical Sunday lunch at the sister's house. My mom finally met her grandson so that was a nice thing.

I'll post something about Sunday tv tomorrow. Here's to another week - cheers!

Thursday TV Round-Up

Grey's Anatomy

Eh...I was SO excited about this season premier, but it was just...okay. I think they spent way too much time on the guy from the Practice whose wife died of the black plague. Maybe this is a little callous, but I really didn't care about him y'know? I don't know him, I don't know his story, I just don't care. And what the heck is up with Miranda "Mrs. Emotional" Bailey? I like her fiesty and collected, not all frazzled and upset.

The episode was worth it to see Derek tell Meredith that he loves her and that he made the wrong choice. And I don't have a ton of sympathy for Addison, even though I like her a lot more now than I did when her character was first introduced.

Did anyone else cry when Izzie was talking to Meredith, lying on the bathroom floor, trying to figure out how she got to be the person whose fiance is dead. Izzie has to rejoin the program right? They'll let her back in.

Finally, I thought it was so touching when Cristina opened up to Burke.

Six Degrees
This was actually pretty good. It's got some mystery to it and the acting is solid. I'll be watching again.

My Name Is Earl
This is more Allen's show and I didn't really think it was funny.

The Office
Aw...Pam and Jim totally miss each other! Will Jim rejoin the Scranton branch now that Pam is no longer engaged?

Question: Why Still So Fat?

ABC re-aired the season finale of Grey's Anatomy last night in anticipation of the big premier tonight. I can't wait!

But that's not the point of this post. During the show, they kept promoting the new season of Lost as well. Now, here's a question: how does the fat guy stay so fat on a "deserted" island? He's eating coconuts, fish, maybe some wild animals, but mostly fruit and stuff right? How does that guy still weigh 300 lbs??

America's Next Top Model

As you all know, America's Next Top Model premiered last night on the new CW network. The show can be super annoying at times and it's evident that the show lost their cheesy writers as the minimal script that did air was really, really, bad.

My favorite model so far is AJ (see image to left). The challenge yesterday was to portray model stereotypes. AJ got "casting-couch model" - she takes a great picture, but was lacking confidence at the judging. Let's see how far she goes.

My least favorite model is Monique. Ugh. She is so childish and acts like a diva. To create drama, the producers of the show decided to only provide 11 beds in house for 13 girls. Granted, by week 2 there will be enough beds for everyone, but it's obviously going to create hard feelings for the girls who have to sleep on beanbags for 2 weeks. Naturally, these models don't try to come up with a fair system for the first 2 weeks, instead they all rush to get a bed for themselves. Well, Monique lagged and she didn't get a bed. That made her unhappy so decides to take matters into her own scrawny hands. She moves another girl's stuff and just steals her bed. Then she pours water all over the bed so the other girl wouldn't want to sleep there anyway. Ugh...can we say bitch?

Verizon = Devil, Satan, Hell

I really can not express how much I hate Verizon. They always manage to f@#! up in a way that costs me time and money. I seriously think it is a part of their business plan to aggravate the hell out of people with the intention of wearing them down so much that, out of sheer frustration, one by one, people stop calling in corrections and just pay the damn bill. I refuse to give in to their business plan! I will call, shout at their deaf and dumb automated system, listen to their annoying elevator music for hours on end, TRY to explain the situation to the brainless fool who answers my call, wait to be transfered three times to the correct representative and finally, eventually, receive a credit for their mistake. I hate them. I despise Verizon. I hope the founder and CEO of Verizon rots in a burning, putrid hell for the rest of eternity.

Hard Candy

Yesterday, before visiting my mom, Allen and I decided to sit down and watch a DVD. I had rented Hard Candy because I met the director and actress Ellen Page, at Sundance when the film premiered. Page portrays a 14 y/o girl who gets involved with a 30-something photographer played by Patrick Wilson (Sandra Oh also makes a short appearance).

This movie is one of the most disturbing flicks I have ever had the displeasure of watching. I think only Old Boy beats it out in terms of making your stomach churn and skin crawl. It really wasn't made well. The problem is that they don't give you enough background for to either sympathize or loath either of the characters. You might think that you'd sympathize with Ellen Page's character because she's an innocent teenager about to be taken advantage of, but the girl is certifiably insane and psychotic. Watch it if you're into weird, creepy movies (b-diddy?).

Yup, I'm Psycho

Before I start this post, I have to admit that I suffer from a mild case of Road Rage. You know, I'll curse and flip off a bad driver, but I won't chase them down or anything. I've been known to almost beat someone's head in with a bat, but those were special circumstances.

So yesterday, as I'm driving home from work, I'm stopped at a red light. I'm on a smallish street, mostly just one lane, but at this particular juncture, there's also a left-turn lane. The light turns green, but it's all backed up so I have nowhere to go. I stay where I am b/c I'm not one of those complete assholes who doesn't care about blocking the intersection. As soon as the cars in front of me start inching up, I ease up on the brake to move forward. What happens? This VAN who was in the left-turn lane, zooms up, swervs into my lane and cuts me off. OOOOOHH, I was FURIOUS!! I honked, I gave him the double fingers, but I wasn't satisfied. He was driving some company van - a flooring company - so I called the number on the back of his van and reported his ass to his boss. I calmed myself down so I didn't sound like a total lunatic. Here's the conversation:

ME: Hi, I'm driving behind one of your vans and I must say, the driver is being extremely reckless.
Manager: Oh my...I'm sorry to hear that.
ME: Yes, and I just thought I'd call because I really felt that you have a right to know how your company is being represented out on the street.
Manager: Yes, definitely.
ME: Because, honestly, seeing how this guy behaves on the road, cutting people off, I would never take the chance of having him provide a service for me in my home. It's just too risky.
Manager: You're absolutely right. What's his license plate number?
ME: [I read off the numbers]
Manager: Well, I thank you very much for reporting this.
ME: You're very welcome. Have a great day.
[Hang up phone]

ME [shouting out window]: Ha, bitch! I hope you get fired!!!

Again?

Lindsey Lohan visited the hospital for the fifth time this year. She reportedly slipped and fractured her wrist in two places. Ouch. She may be suing Milk Studios, who hosted the Fashion Week party she was attending, claiming their negligence may cause her to miss work and/or meetings. Ooookay.

[Lohan's lawyer,] Heller is planning on filing a lawsuit against Milk Studios because the actress had been scheduled to return to LA for movie meetings, and that her accident may conflict with her ability to work and attend those meetings.

What judge in hell is going to buy that story? That her fractured wrist will prevent her from attending meetings?! Gimme a friggin' break. Her crack addiction is the culprit.

Weekend Update

Happy Monday Bizzles.

Friday
After work, went to a local bar/pool hall for Happy Hour. I must say, I hate that place. I think it is yet another sign that I am an old fart. The music is so loud that you're deaf and hoarse by the time you leave. My co-workers are always fun so that makes up for it.

Went to on of my favorite places on earth: Target. I bought a new shirt-dress thingie for $16.99. I'll wear it tomorrow or Wednesday I think. I'm saving it for when B-Diddy and Va Jay Jay are in the office.

Saturday
Slept in until 10am! Went to Old Navy to exchange some PJ bottoms and use up a $5-off coupon. I got a new pair of jeans that I probably wouldn't normally purchase, but it was on sale so after my $5 coupon, they were less than $13! I picked out a new pair of jeans for Allen too since I had an extra coupon. Maybe you peeps should rip out the coupons in Glamour and Lucky.

Tried to go watch Last Kiss at AMC but we forgot that we can't use our discount tickets for special engagements at AMC (at Pacific Theaters you can use them for matinees). So...that was a waste of time. Went home and watched Lucky Number Slevin - do not waste your time, ugh.

Sunday
(SKIP THIS SECTION IF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT LAST KISS)
Went to watch Last Kiss at the Pacific Theater. I was SO looking forward to this movie. The soundtrack has two of my favorite artists on it so I figured it has to be a good movie right? I loved Garden State so I was expecting Zach Braff to be good. It was directed by Tony Goldwyn, the villain in Ghost who gets impaled by the broken window/huge shard of glass and is then chased by little shadow-demons. Carl....oh Carl. Based on all those things, I had high expectations and the movie fell short. I think there were too many plot lines so you didn't really connect with any of characters. From the trailer, you think it's more about the Zach Braff, Jacinda Barret, Rachel Bilson characters, but it's really not. It's more about Zach and three buddies facing turning 30. One of the buddies is SUPER annoying. His personality in the movie is bad enough, but the actor has a nasaly voice that only adds to your irritation. All in all, I give it 6.5 stars - wait for DVD if you still want to see it.

After the movie, I headed over to my sister's house to visit the kids. Mimi was adorable as usual. She gave me a big hug ("Aunt Jenny, BIG HUG!") and kiss when I got in. AND she handed me my favorites out of the Japanese cracker dish ("Here you go, Aunt Jenny") - how cute is that? Kiki is growing bigger by the day and his face is getting chubby ("Baby chubby cheeks!"). He's hit the 6-8 week fussy stage so we took turns holding him all day.

After Mimi went to bed, we played a round of Apples to Apples. It's a fun game - try it.

Yikes, Mischa...

Poor Mischa Barton. I guess she thought she'd be making movies and what not when she decided to blow off the O.C. Little did she know that her next gig would be to meet moi at the DSW in Westwood. Poor bizzle.

Shiloh Out And About

New pictures of Shiloh have been published by German magazine Gala. She's cute and looks more like Brad, no?

Click on the photos for a larger view.

Let's Get It Over With

Okay, I must admit, I got suckered in to watching Survivor: Racialists last night. I wasn't planning to watch it, but when Allen was flipping through the channels we happened upon it and saw that it's the new "race v. race" season. When I first heard the news that CBS was going forward with this set-up, I was somewhat disgruntled. I thought it was a horrible idea that would only create hard feelings and further divison.

So as we watched them get ready for their challenge, I found myself thinking, "Go Asian team!" And as the challenge was underway I found myself yelling at the TV, "Come on Puka!! Paddle, paddle, paddle! Move your asses up that ladder!" And when team Puka won, I found myself ridiculously proud, as if I had paddled and climbed with them.

I don't know that this will make me watch the show religiously, but if it's on and I'm just at home, I'll probably tune in. I doubt team Puka Puka will win every challenge, so I can't help but wonder how I'll react when they lose. I only caught half a show and I'm already automatically rooting for the Asian Americans (note I purposely left out the hyphen). Of course, I think I'll be able to rise above Survivor: Cook Islands and NOT look at every black, white, brown person on the street as the enemy, but I know that within the context of the show, I'll definitely be looking for the non-Asians to fail. And when they eventually have to mix up the teams, what happens then?

This guy is awesome. He's a nail salon manager, but he's also retained the "old ways" and can pluck a headache right out from a teammate's forehead. According the afflicted teammate, it worked!

SexyBack

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am not a big fan of the whole boy-band thing. However, I watched Justin Timberlake's latest video for his single SexyBack and I must say (sorry Allen) that he is looking pretty good.

Although perhaps I'm just thinking that because the style-bar was set so incredibly low:

Allen was kind enough to get JT's new album, FutureSex/LoveSounds, for me and I haven't listened to it in it's entirety yet, but so far it's actually really fun. It's the kind of music that makes you want to get up and dance.

L.Lo's Crotch on Display Again

So...Lindsey apparently does not appreciate the comforts of underwear (if not physical comfort, at least peace of mind y'know?). I'm not going to go through the trouble of censoring her ladyparts, so i'll just post Trent's clean version of the photo. You can click here if you want to see the uncensored version ( I don't recommend it). Eww.

Kate Slowly Disappears

Kate Bosworth
The word is that Kate is absolutely distraught that her four-year on again/off again relationship with Orlando Bloom has come to an end. So devastated that she has lost her appetite and is unable to eat. Her friends stress that Kate does not have an eating disorder; she's just too sad to eat. At 5'7", she's now supposedly down to a mere 100lbs. Look how gorgeous her body was when she did Blue Crush.

Nancy Grace

I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with Court TV's Nancy Grace. A former prosecutor, Grace tends to lock on to a suspect and find him/her guilty before an arrest had been made or a trial concluded.

Two weeks after telling police that her son had been snatched from his crib, Melinda Duckett found herself reeling in an interview with TV's famously prosecutorial Nancy Grace. Before it was over, Grace was pounding her desk and loudly demanding to know: "Where were you? Why aren't you telling us where you were that day?"

A day after the taping, Duckett, 21, shot herself to death, deepening the mystery of what happened to the boy.

I understand the need for ratings and what-not, but is this going too far? If Melinda Ducket did have something to do with the disappearance does that justify the treatment she received by Grace? And she did not have anything to do with it, how horrible must it be to be terrified at the thought of where your baby is AND have to defend yourself from the likes of Nancy Grace?

Janine Iamunno, a spokeswoman for Grace, said in an e-mail that Duckett's death was "an extremely sad development," but that the program would continue covering the case.

"We feel a responsibility to bring attention to this case in the hopes of helping find Trenton Duckett, who remains missing," Iamunno said.

And if, God willing, they find this little boy, he'll be returned to a motherless home.

Hip Hip Hooray!!

Whitney Houston has finally found her sanity and is filing for divorce from crack-head hubby Bobby Brown. Cross your fingers and hope that she returns to her glorious self. Remember the days when her performances were anticipated. She would belt out huge ballads and her upper lip would sweat, but no pathetic has-been danced on stage to dabble it with a white hanky? Those were good times. Whoopee!

Before Bobby/After Bobby

Softball

Last night, Allen and I went to see the company softball team play in the championships. They played a double-header and we caught the second game. It was fantastic! Who knew Sucka-MC could run like that?! Everyone played with heart and good cheer so it was a great thing to watch. We won the second game, but lost the first so there's one last game to be played. It should be noted that some of the other team's members were a bunch of sore, sore losers. One "man" refused to shake hands afterwards, instead choosing to pout on the bench like the little biznatch that he is. He did eventually realize how ridiculously petty and immature that was and came over our benches to shake. His teammate also came over to apologize for his friends' behavior.

Allen and I were the only fans there, but hopefully more people will come out on Thursday night for the deciding game. Go Stets!

The Plot Thickens

I just knew there was something suspicious about Anna Nicole Smith's son's death. I didn't blog about it b/c I was late to the keyboard and figured it had been blogged about a hundred times over. But I always had a feeling that something else was going on. I just couldn't believe that a 20 year old guy would die from a "massive heart-attack" just out of nowhere. The coroner released this statement:

"We do know the cause of death," Virgill said. "But we need to confirm it with a toxicology report."

Deepening the mystery, Virgill said there was at least one other person in the room when Smith died. She refused to elaborate.

"I can confirm that there was definitely a third person in the room at the time of death and I do know who that person is," she said. "But I am unwilling to reveal that information at this time for various reasons."

I'll be following the case and keeping you up-to-date.

Indestructible Nail Polish

I have a dilemma. A month or two ago I went and got a mani/pedi at my favorite nail salon. It's my favorite not b/c it's clean and manicurists are friendly (it's not and they're not), but rather becuase it's only $12.99 for BOTH. I'm really bad at refreshing my nail polish b/c I'm ridiculously lazy. I wait until my nails and/or toes are only 30% painted and then I'll make an appointment for a mani/pedi OR if I'm feeling energized I'll remove the polish myself.

Well, as you now know, I had to work at a seminar this past weekend and my nails were atrocious. They had been painted at my last mani/pedi, which was, as I stated earlier, a month or two ago. My fingernails had been painted some lovely neutral shade, but had chipped away to small, irregular shapes. Not only was the polish chipped, but a pair of my pants had stained all the little polish-crevices blue. I tried to remove the polish, but I SWEAR it was made of some unholy material. It took TWO soaked cotton balls to remove the small bit of polish remaining on my left thumb. TWO COTTON BALLS!

Needless to say, my lazy butt gave up. I'm on a strict budget so I probably won't be visiting the nail salon any time soon, despite their ultra-low prices. This means that my polish will just slowly chip away or my nails will outgrow the everlasting nail paint.

Baby Boy #2

According to the National Enquirer Britney Spears has "given birth" (via scheduled c-section) to her second baby boy. If it's true, the original sources stating this baby would be a girl and named Jailynn were obviously wrong. Let's just hope we don't have to suffer thru another one of these:

Stop It People

Stop killing stingrays. It's not their fault and you really shouldn't practice revenge. Just stop it.

"Stingray bodies since have been discovered on two beaches in Queensland state on Australia's eastern coast. Two were discovered Tuesday with their tails lopped off, state fisheries department official Wayne Sumpton said."

Anyone who loved Steve Irwin would know that the last thing he would want is for stingrays to be killed on his behalf or due to him in some way. His first concern was always for the preservation and well-being of animals and other creatures. So please be nice and respectful to everyone and everything.

Weekend Update

Sorry people, there just isn't that much to share about this past weekend b/c I spent it working with VaJayJay (VJJ) at a photo seminar.

Friday
Got to leave work early thanks to VJJ and spent the rest of the day napping and packing. Watched Poseidon on DVD. Eh...it wasn't very good, but blockbuster-big-action films aren't really my type. Because of the nap I couldn't fall asleep until past 1.30am despite having to wake up at 5am. Poo.

Saturday
Woke up very, very early and was very, very tired. Drove Allen to the airport and headed over the the hotel to work the seminar. VJJ was already there, of course, and we proceeded to do seminar things. After our day of work was done, we dropped straight into our respective beds. We ordered room service (yum!) and lounged for the rest of the evening. Lights out by 10pm.

Sunday
Pretty much the same deal as Saturday. However, BDiddy will be very sad to know that her beloved puffin is a winter delicacy in Iceland. Our famed photographer/speaker showed images (not pictured) of puffin-hunting.

Sorry diddy...

That's all folks. I will be recuperating today and probably won't be posting as much shix as normal. But I'll be back to business tomorrow.

Poor Panda

This is some sad shix:

"Ya Ya, a seven-year-old panda and new mother of twins, "appeared tired" when nursing the younger cub in a patch of grass, the paper said.

Her head sagged, her paws separated and her baby fell to the ground next to her. The panda then rolled on to her side and crushed her baby beneath her...

The elder of the twins was in good health and being cared for, zoo officials said.

But Ya Ya had proved inconsolable, wailing and looking for her baby after its body was taken away from her."

Sadness.

Just Her Luck

UPDATE: Okay, after much investigation the conclusion has been made by the blogosphere that the photos of L.Lo's crotch were, in fact, not photoshopped. The photos showing her in pink undies were photoshopped (probably by her peeps). Full story here.

First, her photoshopped crotch is distributed all over the internet and now her Hermes handbag is stolen misplaced at the airport?? La Lohan just can't catch a break. The police have reportedly recovered the lost purse thanks to a member of the public. When it was thought to be stolen, Lindsey's publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnick released this statement:

"[Lindsey] is begging for the return of the items. She doesn't care how she gets them back; she just wants her stuff back."

According to her peeps, her purse contained her asthma medication and jewelry. Now, I personally know how easy it is for someone like Lindsey Lohan to get free jewelry and even an Hermes bag. Of course, her asthma medication is most likely also easily replaced. So why would she be "begging" for the return of her stuff? Could there be other items in her bag that she doesn't want the world to see? I would think something like her Swarvoski-encrusted Sidekick would be more valuable since it has important contact information, access to her voicemail, potentially risque photos etc.

Say It Ain't So

Are Matthew and Penelope back together? Let's hope it's just Matthew being kind to an ex-gf, treating her out of lunch for old times' sake blah blah. He does seem irritated to be photographed with her though - wonder why? Doesn't he always portray himself as an easy-going, laid-back Texan? Whatever, I just hope they're not back together because I really dislike Penelope Cruz. She is incapable of NOT screwing every male actor she co-stars with. Matt Damon, Tom Cruise, Nicholas Cage (ew) and Matthew McConaughey...I'm sure there are plenty more that we just don't know about.

Why do all these (relatively) hunky men like her? Is it the "exotic" nature of her Spanish being? I don't find her attractive at all; she looks like a pinched bird.

You're worth it

These photos are relatively old, but supposedly Pamela Anderson used to spend $9,000 a DAY in various beauty fees (hairstylist, make-up artist, products etc). She says she's very proud that she has learned to do her own make-up so she can save that money. Was it worth it?

Baby Britney

According to secret sources, Britney and K-Fed are having a baby girl this time around. Supposedly they are naming the baby Jail Lynn. I kid you not. Some combination of her father's name, James; her mother's name, Lynn; and her sister's name Jamie Lynn. As a society, we really must consider setting some ground-rules for procreation.

Edit: Someone passed along faulty secret info! Brit may be naming her baby girl Jailynn. It's better than Jail Lynn right?

Tsk Tsk

As many of you are already aware, Paris Hilton was reportedly arrested for DUI last night in Hollywood. As I was waiting for my tire to be fixed this morning, I was subjected to the Ryan Seacrest morning show on KIIS FM here in Los Angeles. Guess who called in to explain the situation? Paris herself!

She says she was working for, like, two whole days, shooting her upcoming music video. Yesterday evening she met her sister for some Dave Navarro shindig, where she had ONE margarita. But, poor thing, she didn't "ate" ALL day. At 10pm she was just an innocent girl trying to make her way to In N Out, which was only 3 blocks away (and it's not like you can kill anyone if you're only traveling a few blocks), when she got pulled over. She admits she may have been speeding *giggle giggle*. The cops were very nice; they calmly explained to her that because there were so many paparazzi around, they couldn't be seen showing her any special treatment so they hauled her drunk ass away. She claims she was only at the station for 10 minutes and everyone was super nice and sweet to her and then they let her go.

Seacrest kept trying to confirm with her that she was, in fact, NOT arrested for DUI, but she never really explicitly denied being charged. Instead the conversation went something like this:

Ryan: So you were NOT arrested for DUI.
Paris: I'm like on my way to work now.
Ryan: So again, Paris Hilton was NOT arrested for DUI and is on her way to work now.
Paris: I'm like totally working now. Heehee.

Make of it what you will.

Suri

To appease the conspiracy theorists out there, I'll post some of the questions that may be swirling around out there regarding the newly revealed baby Suri. Some may be wondering: does the baby look more like Chris Klein than Tom Cruise? Are they "hiding" the baby under Tom's coat in efforts to conceal how huge the baby is for her supposed age? Why is Katie still with this nut?

Personally, I think TomKat are strange, but Suri is adorable and hopefully, as she grows up and becomes more aware of her surroundings, musings about whether she is an alien or Scientology-project will stop.

You can read an excerpt of the Vanity Fair article here. I especially love the headline, "Yes, Suri, She's Our Baby!" The powers that be obviously know that everyone enjoys a good pun.

Labor Day Weekend Update

I know you're all dying to know how I spent my long weekend so I'll update you. But first, I have to tell everyone that I HATE Verizon with every cell in my entire body. As a corporation they are comprised of the most incompetent buffoons to ever exist on the planet. I sincerely believe that 99% of the "people" who work for them have an IQ below 50. They should never have anything to do with my money EVER. I hate Verizon. I hate Verizon. I hate Verizon.

Okay, on to the update.

Friday: Went to happy hour with some of my favorite co-workers. Got totally pissed at our first waitress b/c she tried to charge me for Stoli when I never asked for it (and actually specifically asked if they use well vodka for the happy hour specials). I calmly explained to her that I would never ask for Stoli, seeing as I don't like it. That little bitch sniped, "Well you drank it didn't you?" I quipped back, "Yes, and I. Didn't. Like It." She took it off the bill completely once she realized that I wasn't going to back down.

Saturday: Drove down to San Diego for a Mormon baptism. I might post something on that experience later if you people seem interested.

Sunday: Allen's parents were in town due to a 10 hour layover between Hawaii and Nevada. Being the ultimate tourist, Allen's dad wanted to visit Grauman's Chinese Theater. It was so friggin' hot and a thoroughly horrible experience (b/c of the heat, not his parents). We then went to our (former) favorite Koren BBQ restaurant, but were highly grossed out when we realized all of the dishware had been washed in kimchee water.

Also, caught Andre Agassi's last match and teared up as he gave his farewell speech. Love him.

Monday: Met my sister and her brood for brunch at Cheesecake Factory. My 4 week-old newphew was being fussy so I offered to hold him until our food came. Just as my dish arrived, my little newphew let out a major fart and warm, liquidy poo exploded into my hand. It was almost like he had been aiming! He had such a look of pleasure and satisfaction on his face that I had to smile as I dribbled the poo into my lap napkin.

Monday night: Saw Little Miss Sunshine with Allen and Spamela. I loved Steve Carrell as Uncle Frank. If you like indie-type comedies, you'll enjoy this film. If you don't have that indie spirit, skip it or wait till it's out on DVD.

Sad News

As some of my long-time friends are aware, I used to be semi-obsessed with Steve Irwin. I watched his show religiously and just thought he was so darned amusing. He had such a positive attitude and just seeing how happy he was all the time cheered me up. One Christmas (I think) a friend presented me with a talking Steve Irwin doll! It was hilarious and, again, gave me a good laugh when I needed one.

Therefore, I was extremely saddened when I heard of his death earlier today. I haven't followed his show for years now, but I know he has a young family and I feel so badly for them. Let's send good thoughts their way in the coming weeks.

Old Fart

Supposedly the MTV VMAs were on last night and not only did I not watch, I didn't even know it was airing. I think I'll just be taking it as a sign of old age. I can still remember the days when I looked forward to the VMAs; it was one of the few award shows that I found hilarious and entertaining.

However, just because I didn't watch doesn't mean I can't criticize.

What the hell is Jennifer Lopez wearing?

I mean, really....it's just...what is that thing on her head? Perhaps she had a hair mishap. Perhaps she forgot to dye her hair again and didn't want yet another publicity storm speculating that she's with child. Instead, she chooses to look something along the lines of an aerodynamically dressed figure skater set to perform on the moon.